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Body Image - Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out

Wednesday 24 August 2016

Growing up I have always been more than content with the way I looked. Blue eyes, mousey brown hair and a slim figure. Theres never been the need to maintain the way I looked - I simply did what others girls did; eat reasonably well, pamper myself here and there and hope for the best. It worked for me. However, keeping up appearances hasn't always been the easiest for me. Well I say 'me' but what I really mean is everyone else. People say you are your own worst enemy and critic. I happen to disagree on some level.

I think every university student can agree that the years you are at uni change you, whether its good or bad, it does. I would say university has helped me to discover who I really am and establish what it is I really from life - but I really don't feel like me. I look back at pictures of myself when I first started university and I want nothing more than to just be that girl again. The girl that hardly had a trouble in the world and was at least happy, happy as a person and happy with herself.

Now whats really prompted me to sit and write this post at a ridiculous time is my battle with rumination. Thinking deeply about things over and over again. These 'things' are mostly comments people have made about me. Someone could have said something to me a few months ago and it will still be with me right now this second and whilst the person who made the comment probably wouldn't remember saying it I still do. The worst comment to this day someone has made about me is on my weight. As I said, I had blue eyes, mousey brown hair and a slim figure. That is what I would have told someone a couple of years ago if I was to briefly describe myself. That is how I would identify me as me. Again, university and every aspect of life changes you and I feel as though it has changed me both physically and mentally. I still have blue eyes, my hair is beyond repair and I am now a size 10-12 no longer that slim size 8. 

If I had a pound for every time someone made a comment about my weight since coming away from university I would probably have enough money to not go to university. I can hardly say I am happy with what people have said otherwise I would be writing. I am aware that I have changed physically but what I don't need is people telling me so - 'Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out'. Its funny because you can justify peoples comments all you want and try to pretend as though you don't care but deep down inside you feel numb. Is what I'm seeing different to what others are seeing? I thought I looked better? If anything I looked a bit healthier. Obviously not. 

I can try to change but I tell myself I can't. I'm just stuck in this vicious cycle. I'm happy, you make a comment, I'm determined to change BUT I CAN'T. Eughh. I am slowly taking those necessary steps to make me feel like me again - getting back into a routine and doing the things I enjoy. Its difficult but hopefully I will get there and maybe, just maybe, I will be that blue eyed, mousey brown haired girl with a slim figure again. 

BroganRose. xo


15 comments:

  1. I've been though this stage I was a size 8 but looking back they're Was no pleasing me I still wasn't happy but when I became a size 12 people recognised the weight I put on but I actually became happier compared to how I felt then anyways. Pixie xx www.pixieox.co

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    1. Its been driving me utterly mad! I recognise YES I have put on weight but to have people tell you 24/7 is just cruel. I spent the morning work my butt off in the gym because I feel as though I need to do something about it. xx

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  2. I'm exacly the same! It seems that even things people said about me 3 years ago still stay with me. I soon realised that I was looking at the negatives people said about me, rather than the positives that outweigh that. You're gorgeous and I can sit here and confidently tell you that. Concentrate on the positives and the good as hard as it sounds! X

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    1. Thank you so so much!! Everything just seems to stick with me - I try to ignore comments etc but they don't ever seem to vanish. xx

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  3. Really interesting post. I agree uni does change you and I hope you feel like that girl again. x

    http://howlindycsit.co.uk

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    1. Reading through everyones comments has made me feel so much better! xx

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  4. I loved reading this! I think everyone goes through a similar stage at some point, for me I definitely try to be as happy as I can be with how I look. I really hope you see yourself as that blue eyed mousey brown haired girl again. xx

    Btw you look gorgeous.

    Sofia | www.theglamchapter.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words - I cannot wait to start feeling like myself again. xx

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  5. This is such nice post! I hope everything is okay! x
    www.izzieslife.co.uk

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  6. I think its so stupid that the weight of a person is so easily spoken about by others. Who tf cares? It's their freaking body! My mum does this when we're watching tv I used to (lowkey) rant about it but now I just ignore it. It's takes practise to bat away negative comments. I hope one day you'll get to a place where you can do so more easily, you deserve to be happy x

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    1. Its just so infuriating because these people literally don't think before they speak! I'm pretty sure they wouldn't like to be on the receiving end of their horrible comments. xx

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  7. Being a size 10/12 for the past five years I can honestly say that I feel healthier than when I was a 6\8. That body shape was that of the high school girl i was. I am now an actual woman with curves to match. Never feel like you need to justify yourself to anyone. I randomly saw a picture of you on my fb feed and my first thought was how great you look so i was really surprised to read this post x

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  8. Caitlin Moran has written this wonderful book called 'How To Be A Woman' (please read it, it's a fantastic piece of feminist genius) and in it she writes

    'If you look recognisably, straightforwardly human - the kind of reasonable figure a ten-year-old would draw, if asked to sketch a person in under a minute - then you are fine. 'The body reasonably healthy and clean is the body beautiful,' as the Goddess Greer puts it.
    ...
    'The idea that you need to be better than merely 'human shaped' - this inch-perfect toning, where even an excess table-spoon of fat hanging over the knee is unacceplable, let alone a world where a size 12 is 'XL' - is another piece of what strident feminists can technically dismiss as 'total bullshit'.'

    Be a strident feminist, would be my advice

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